Make Me Stay
by theatre geek
Summary: Callica, FemSlash. This was inspired by the Ani Difranco song of the same name. Each chapter will go with a few lines of that song. The story begins after 4-15: Losing my Mind the elevator kiss .
1. Turn and Walk Away

Make Me Stay

Make Me Stay

Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters on Grey's Anatomy. But any other characters that might appear in this story are my own creation.

A/N: I haven't done this in a while. And I've never written for Grey's. I feed on reviews, so please give me whatever insight you think will be beneficial. Obviously, however, I don't appreciate sour reviews, so add a little bit of sweetness (just tell me something that I did right before you delve into criticism), please.

Summary: Callica, FemSlash. This was inspired by the Ani Difranco song of the same name. Each chapter will go with a few lines of that song. The story begins after 4-15: Losing my Mind (the elevator kiss).

Rating: M for later chapters

After that kiss, Erica walked out of the elevator sending Dr. Torres, with every single molecule of her being, psychic messages to follow her. She had felt it and, judging from her reaction, Callie had as well. She wasn't completely sure when exactly she had started having these feeling toward her best friend, although being in love with a girl wasn't a completely new thing. She had fallen in love with another woman once, but that was a long time ago, when she was a bit less inhibited than her current, mature self.

Now she was willing this new woman to run after her and keep her from walking away. With every step she took, she was hurting more and more at Callie's lack of confidence. Even if it was just as friends, she still expected them to go out together tonight, like they had planned.

When she was halfway down the hallway to the exit, Dr Hahn had lost all hope. She had scared her. Damn it, she always scared people off. Yes, she was intense sometimes, but that was just what she had to do. Callie had seen her softer side. She'd gotten to know Erica, not just Dr. Hahn. She guessed that if it came up and Callie didn't enjoy it, or didn't want to admit that she enjoyed it, Erica had a pretty good excuse. Teasing Sloan was something she could always fall back on, despite the fact that every time she saw him, she wanted to rip his head off for the privileges Torres gave him with her body.

As she made her way to her car, Erica wondered what she was supposed to do. She would go to the bar they had agreed on. She would see if, after Callie was done fucking Sloan (she knew that must be where she went), the woman who had unwittingly stolen her senses would show up to talk. But she knew the chances were slim, given that she hadn't even called after her that she'd be a few minutes.

This entire time, Hahn had kept her eyes forward, refusing to look over her shoulder, and keeping her other senses behind her to be prepared if her dreams did happen to come true. Just in case the woman she had just kissed ran after her, grabbed her, and returned the gesture. But no such luck.

As she got into her car and looked around the parking lot, she only saw Dr Shepard and Rose holding hands and walking out if the hospital. No sign of the dark-skinned Madonna. So she started her car and peeled out of the parking lot on her way to Joe's, still holding a small grain of hope that Callie would surprise her.

_I'm going to turn and walk away/ You can wait til I am far along/Then run and come and catch my arm/And say you'd die if I were gone_


	2. Call My Name

Make Me Stay

Chapter 2

Erica Hahn sipped her second Gin and Tonic, one of Callie's favorites. She had been there almost 30 minutes, and there was no sign of the doctor. She knew Callie could break and repair bones, but she was not aware of her ability to break hearts just as easily.

The door to the bar swung open, and in stepped a slightly disheveled looking Torres. Erica's heart started to scream at her. Her lungs suddenly lost some of their capacity, making her breathing slightly shallower.

Callie slowly took a seat across the table from Erica, but kept her eyes from catching the other's. Erica could see that Callie didn't want to talk about it, but she did. She needed some answers, just to be clear. She was not the type of person to stay in no-man's land for long. But, after a deep breath, Callie began the conversation.

"I didn't really expect you to be here," Callie confessed, still not looking Erica in the eye.

"Oh, I can leave if you want." That did not come out how she had intended.

"I don't mean that."

"Sorry."

"I–" Callie started, but the waitress approached the new arrival, interrupting her thought. "I'll have a Gin and Tonic," she said, before the waitress could get in a greeting, not really thinking, but more trying to get the woman with her pad of paper and golf pencil to leave the table.

"Did you have a good time with Sloan?" God, Erica thought, she sounded like such a bitch!

"Who said I went anywhere with Sloan?"

"Well, then, what took you so long?" Erica tried to sound a bit less harsh.

"I…I went to think."

"Sure," replied Erica, no believing it. She really didn't like Callie lying to her.

"Seriously. It's been a long day."

"Ha, tell me about it. I operated on Walter freaking Taply today!" And so they continued. Friends. Shit, thought Erica, she had to just brush it off. After about another 30 minutes of painful small talk, who should walk though the door but O'Mally. Another one of Hahn's least favorite people, and one of Callie's as well. There was a moment in which the two ex's made eye contact. That was a moment, thought Erica, she could have gone without experiencing. Callie said that she wanted to leave, because it didn't look like O'Mally was going to.

The pair headed back to Hahn's apartment, which she rented by herself. She couldn't stand roommates. They lounged about in her living room for a bit, keeping up the drinking so that by around 12 neither was in complete control of her actions. They had been chatting this entire time. Chatting about nothing and everything. That is, nothing that truly mattered to Erica at that moment. But she was content just hearing Callie's voice.

Until.

They were sitting on the couch together, each on a side of the couch facing each other, with one leg bent up as if cross-legged, and the other touching the floor. They must have been talking about some of the drama at the hospital, but Erica was more involved in the conversation to keep this woman in her apartment than to solve the wrongs of the world.

She didn't know how it happened, but Erica suddenly felt something warm on her lips. Warm and soft. It was Callie's lips. She knew the taste. She was so stunned it took her a while to register the feeling. And when she understood what was happening, she went with it. Her dreams were coming true and she wanted this moment to last as long as possible. She wanted it to last forever. With the same force that Callie had initiated it, Erica returned the kiss and it became a back-and-forth game between the two. Erica reached her hand up to grasp Callie's beautiful curls. Callie began caressing Hahn's cheek and neck with her fingers. Erica moved her other hand to Callie's waist and lower back and gently urged them toward her. Callie's other hand made it's way across the blonde's back in a half embrace.

Neither woman could really tell how long this lasted, but Dr. Torres pulled back a minute to catch her breath. She looked Erica straight in the eye. And smiled. The smile was partly a response to and partly an incitement of Erica's own grin. Each was rather out of breath. Callie spoke first.

"I can't tell you how long I've wanted to do that."

"I've wanted to do that since I first met you."

"So…" Dr. Torres' smile grew wider, into that stage where any moment it could burst into a laugh.

"So…?"

Erica looked at those lips. How could she resist them now that she new exactly how sweet they tasted? She went in for another kiss and was no disappointed. This was jut as intense as the first. Their tongues dodged around one another, sometimes bumping, but each exploring the new mouth that it longed for. Their bodies got closer and closer. This time Erica broke the kiss.

"I don't do well as just a sex thing, you know." Erica warned with a bit of a smile.

"Erica," Callie said in a slightly disappointed tone. "You are not _just_ anything."

"I also don't like being taken advantage of. I don't want to worry about hiding things." She knew Callie knew what she was talking about.

"I don't like hiding things either. But I don't know if I'm ready to shout to the entire world. I mean, what would people think? Could we lose our jobs?" Callie asked, suddenly sobering up.

"Not in this state."

"But you're a woman."

"How observant of you."

"I don't get it. I mean, I like you a lot. But I'm confused…"

Erica was slightly disappointed. She knew that this had to happen, that is unless Callie was extremely comfortable with her sexuality, but why now?

"…I mean, aren't you? This is weird, right? I've never felt this way about a woman. Have you?"

"I've dated a women. Once. But that was a while ago." Erica paused. She really didn't want to talk about exes right now. "It's okay, Callie," She assured her. "It's confusing. But all I know is that this feels good. This feels better than good. This feels right."

Callie smiled weakly and let Erica kiss her again briefly. When she pulled back, Erica felt that Callie was less into it than she had been a moment ago. "Look, if you don't want this, that's fine." She couldn't believe she was saying this. "I'm not a 'yes, but' kind of person. You know that. I don't want to have to hide things. Personally, I don't care who knows about this." Erica took Callie's hand in hers. "I've never been nice just to keep from alarming people. If you can't do this, I understand."

Callie was silent. Her eyes were pleading slightly. Erica could tell she was stuck. Erica shook her head. She hated that this was so hard. She knew it was right. She didn't even think twice about that, especially after Callie kissed her. But she knew she couldn't do this if Callie wasn't ready.

Erica got up. "Okay. Think about it. I'm here." That hurt her. She looked into the doctor's eyes and saw that it had hurt her too. She wanted to sit back down and take that hurt out of her, but she knew she couldn't do it. She needed to be truthful. She needed to be taken for who she was. She was imperfect, but that's the point, right?

_I want to hear you call my name/It's too easy just to say it soft/I don't like my language watered down/I don't like my edges rounded off_


	3. Each Time You Move

Make Me Stay

Chapter 3 – Each Time You Move

A/N: Thanks for the great reviews. Keep 'em coming!

Erica parked her car in the hospital parking lot. It was the day following the kiss. She was used to not getting sleep, but today there was an entirely different reason for her fatigue. After making herself walk away from a potentially harmful situation, Dr. Hahn had sat in her bedroom, listened to her best friend leave, and let herself cry. Now, Erica Hahn was not one to shed tears, even in the privacy of her own apartment, but she hated feeling helpless. She was used to being deeply in control of her own life.

She walked in to the hospital, took the elevator to her floor, and checked the surgical board. Shit, she thought, a busy day. The surgeries she did have scheduled were not particularly difficult, but they would take time. She took a deep breath. This she could control. Scanning the board again, her eyes locked on the name. "Torres." Her heart sped up just a bit, as it normally did when she was faced with this woman. She spun a 180 on her heals to face the nurses' station and found herself staring at the chief.

"Good morning, Chief."

"Good morning, Dr. Hahn." He had a smile on his face and Erica briefly wondered what was behind it, but she needed to continue down the hall and do a bit of paperwork before her first surgery. As she opened the door to the lounge, after picking up some charts, a pleasant surprise met her. She closed the door and locked it, sensing that this would be better uninterrupted.

"Look, I might not be quite ready to shout this to everyone, and I know that's hard for you to accept, but I want to get there. I really do. I'm not like you. I'm not as comfortable just telling it like it is. But I want to try here. I don't want to lose you." Her eyes were pleading and sincere. Erica's heart hurt in her chest, but she didn't really care.

In silence, she approached Callie, who had stood up from leaning on the desk. Erica kept her eyes locked on Callie's as she drew closer and closer until they were almost touching. Erica wrapped her arms gently around Callie's waist and pulled her hips toward her own, staring her in the eyes intently. She placed a soft, gentle kiss on the brunette's lush lips. It was returned immediately, but soon after, Erica pulled back.

"Can you meet me for dinner? I want to talk about this, but I really need to get my work done today."

Callie's smile faded a bit and she paused. "Okay, I'll meet you tonight."

After one more kiss Erica dropped her hands and took a step back. Callie slowly made her way to the door. Looking at this, Erica wanted to call her back and hold her forever and protect her. But she knew that she needed to keep her head at work. At least she could look forward to dinner tonight and some alone time with the woman she couldn't get out of the mind.

Through the day, Erica tried to keep her mind completely focused in the work that she had in front of her, and for the most part she succeeded. She, like most doctors in this hospital, had some grasp on how to leave their personal lives outside. However, she still ran into the woman every so often, not to mention the few times she noticed her in the gallery watching her work. Each time this happened, Erica shot Callie a look that she hoped said 'I need to do this work and I can't look at you without wanting to kiss you.' It was one of the most painful days she had experienced since coming to Seattle Grace.

Finally dinnertime came. Luckily, both the women had gotten enough done and had no real emergency surgeries to attend to, so they could both make their…date? They ate at a nice little place just far enough away from the hospital that they needn't worry about running into coworkers. Thus, they could really talk.

"So, you were saying in the lounge this morning that you aren't ready."

"That's what I said. And I've thought about it. You might be confident in who you are and you might not care what other people think of what you do outside of the hospital. But I've never been good at forgetting what other people think. I want people to like me, as much as I say I don't care."

"Callie," Erica grasped Callie's hand, which was resting on the table. "I know it's confusing. I've been there, believe me. I don't usually talk about it, but, like I said last night, I have had feelings for a woman before. I've been through my whole coming out affair." Callie gave her a questioning look. Erica sighed. She needed to find a better way to explain this to people, but for now she just went with it. "I don't chose who I fall for. I don't try to. That includes gender. It's just not something I find that important. I don't label myself, but I don't pay attention to how other people label me either. Callie, I like you a lot, and I want to be with you every single moment of every single day. If you're not ready for other people to label you, I understand. If you're scared to be yourself, I don't."

"I'm not scared to be myself. But I'm not gay."

"I didn't say you were."

"I don't get it. I don't get this. You're the first woman I've ever thought about this way. I just don't understand all of this." At that Erica, who had discretely made sure not too many people were looking, raised Callie's hand from the table to her mouth and planted the sweetest kiss she could. Moving her hand just away from her lips, she looked over top of their entwined fingers to the woman sitting across from her. She wanted to erase the part of her face that showed even the slightest hint of concern. She wanted to make her feel no pain at all.

"Do you really have to? I don't think anyone understands something like this, especially after 24 hours. Have you really understood any relationship with a guy after 24 hours?"

"I guess not."

Erica replaced their hands on the table.

"I don't want to lose you. Callie Torres, I can't imagine my life without you. I can't imagine my life without the true you in all your wonder. I can't lose you." Callie blushing and that made Erica smile. She might be being a little pushy, but she knew how quickly things could change. "You may not be ready to shout it to the world, and I wish to God you were because I know I am. But I can't just leave this."

"I can't imagine my life without you either." Callie grasped Erica's hand on the table and took a deep breath that Erica could see. "I'm going to try."

"Promise me."

Callie met Erica's gaze and after a lightly tired smile she said, "I promise."

_I can't always wait for your circumstance to improve/Love is loose it shifts each time you move/Go ahead, put my back, against the wall/Give it all up or don't give it to me at all_


	4. Not Done Looking

Make Me Stay

Make Me Stay

Chapter 4 – Not Done Looking

Rating change!! New Rating: MA

A/N: I'm not sure how to change the rating to MA formally, but this chapter is explicit, so it is rated only for Mature Adults! Thanks so much for the reviews and keep them coming! Those things make my day!

It had been about two weeks since the two women talked over dinner and decided on a plan of action. Their dates had been rather informal and relaxed, and they both took care not to do anything at work, which must have been just killing Callie as much as it was Hahn. But Erica was proud of her for the way she handled Sloan…by not sleeping with him. Erica was surprised, but the two women hadn't really done more than make out. They were both determined to take it slow. And Callie was apparently okay with that. Hahn figured that with all the confusion surrounding the new feelings and the very new relationship, it was better to wait until both women knew that they were ready.

It took all of Erica's energy not to let on to anyone in the hospital the way she felt about the doctor. They kept the guise of best friends, which allowed for alone time during work as well as unquestioned hanging out time outside. But Erica was starting to think this was going somewhere. And boy was she happy.

It was Thursday and the two women had a date planned that night, a nice, quiet dinner at Erica's apartment. Erica wanted to cook for Callie since she got off work a few hours earlier than the orthopedic surgeon. When she did leave the hospital, she drove to the grocery store, bought the necessary products, and continued to her apartment to prepare the most delicious meal she had ever made. Callie ended up being a little late, although she did call, due to an emergency in the OR. Dr. Hahn, of course, accepted the apology, since she knew all too well how those things went.

"God, what smells so good?" Dr. Torres asked when she did arrive at Erica's apartment. Erica loved the dress Callie had chosen, a sleek knee-length black one. And how fitting that she was also wearing one of Callie's favorite dresses on her.

"See for yourself," Erica said, proudly as she presented the table set for two to Callie. The two sat down and, with a glass of red wine each, consumed their meals with conversation about their day.

After they finished the meal, Erica cleared the table, and Callie took a seat on the couch. She turned on the small but adequate TV and flipped through channels for a few moments before settling on a rerun of Will and Grace.

"God, I haven't seen this show in so long," she said loud enough that Erica could hear her.

Erica peaked her head out of the kitchen and laughed before joining her on the couch. As she sat she placed her left arm behind the dark brown hair and watched with a smile as Callie got more comfortable, pressing her head against her arm and leaning into her body. For a few minutes the two simply sat and watched a moving screen, but Erica kept glancing at Callie just to admire her. Erica's heart still raced each time she even thought about the girl, and she cherished every night they had together. At this moment she simply could not take her eyes off of Callie's face. Apparently Callie could sense this, because she turned to see the blonde staring at her.

"What?" Callie let out a nervous laugh.

Erica took this opportunity to lean in and give her a gentle kiss as an answer to her question. She ended the kiss just as gently and opened her eyes to see Callie's closed eyes and a look on her face that reminded Erica why she did this. Callie opened her eyes and locked them with Erica's, her mouth growing into a grin that Erica swore was wider than any she'd seen before. Callie reciprocated Erica's gesture, but this time she moved her left hand up Erica's thigh and sat up straighter in an effort to add more power to the kiss. This sent Erica's heart on a sprint and her mind twirling. She dropped her hand to rest on the couch and drew her other hand up to wrap Callie around her waist. Erica pressed harder into Callie's mouth, feeling her way around with her tongue, and drew her right leg around her body to rub against Callie's bare knees. Callie moaned at this contact, which made Erica smile. Callie let Erica lower her back until she was lying on the couch. But them Callie pulled back from the kiss. Erica opened her eyes, scorning herself for moving to fast.

"Ouch," Callie said as she broke the kiss. "I think the remote's in my back." Sure enough, neither woman had realized that the TV was going bonkers. Erica pulled herself up to a sitting position as Callie reached around her back, recovered the remote, and turned off the TV. Still laying with her upper body on the couch and her legs half on and half off, Torres shot a seductive look at Hahn.

"What, that's it?" Callie teased.

"If you want to continue, we might move into the bedroom. It's a bit more comfortable." Erica joked but was secretly overjoyed that this beautiful woman wanted this as much as she did.

"Well, then I think we'd better get in there."

Erica helped Callie off the couch and led her into her bedroom, which, like the TV, was small yet adequate. Hahn, in a half-joking move, grabbed the remote to her iPod player and turned on some romantic music. Callie looked at her and just laughed, which was exactly what Erica was going for. At that, Erica leaned in again and their mouths met with no less intensity than ever before. Erica wrapped her arms around Callie's waist and led her to the bed. Without letting their lips part, Callie sat on the queen-sized bed and ran her bare foot up Erica's bare shin. At this, Erica immediately crawled onto the bed over top of Callie. She needed more of this woman. She'd waited long enough. Straddling the dark-skinned woman who was now sprawled on her bed, she pulled her head up to admire once again what she had been able to achieve. Callie smiled knowingly, and threw her arms around Erica's neck, pulling her down again to continue their marathon lip-lock.

Erica repositioned her right leg so that it was between Callie's and slowly reached a hand down to her knee where her dress ended. Softly, she dragged her index and middle fingers along the inside on Callie's thigh until she felt a slight tug on the back of her dress. She stopped and realized that Callie was trying to undress her. She complied and helped Callie with the zipper on the back of her dress and let her pull it over her head, shooting her a naughty grin before sitting her up and helping her do the same. Erica then pushed Callie, who was now in nothing more than a black thong and a matching bra, back onto the bed. Erica herself was wearing a red thong and matching bra. At this sight, Erica swore her heart was going to explode inside her chest.

Erica, rather than continue where she had left off, chose to have a little more fun, running her fingers softly in patterns across the woman's exposed stomach and watching the resultant pleasure on her face. Simultaneously Erica felt Callie's leg brush hers, a feeling that she could not get enough of. So she positioned her lower legs in a way that locked Callie's in place and kept a constant point of contact there. Gosh, Erica thought briefly, for such a strong woman in the hospital, Callie can let that go in bed. But Erica liked that. A lot.

She moved her hand up toward Callie's breasts and watched her squirm with excitement. Erica leaned down and kissed her at the base of her neck as her hand made its way over top of Callie's bra to message her breast. She felt Callie's chest's movements quicken and more pressure from her mouth. Then Callie placed her hands on Erica's shoulders and pushed her over onto the bed. Erica let the woman overtake her. She felt hot breath and warm kisses on her ear, then on her neck, then on her chest. Her heart sped up even faster, if that was possible. She felt a hand run up her side and onto to stomach before resting between her breasts. She wanted so badly to feel this woman even more. She let out a small moan of exhilaration, which only prompted Callie to stroke the skin around her breast. Erica then reached her own arms around Callie's chest and undid her bra. Callie allowed it to drop, stepped out of it, and went to remove Erica's own bra. After that was done, Callie was free to play with Erica's lush breasts, rubbing them, stroking them and using her mouth to a point where Erica wanted her even more.

Erica decided to take the upper hand and pushed Callie over again, got on top of her, and pressed her lips to hers. She then moved her mouth down, covering Callie's neck with little kisses, onto her chest. She circled one of her nipples with her tongue and felt her body squirm with pleasure. At that, Erica let her body rest on top of Callie's straddling one of her thighs. She pressed into her and Callie let out a cry of excitement and gripped the sheets beneath her. Erica felt Callie's hips press into her own. She reached a hand down and drew a finger up the outside of Callie's thigh then slid it around her ass in an effort to pull her even closer. She slid her hand beneath the strap of Callie's thong, and Callie quickly placed both hands firmly on Erica's ass cheeks to help her find the rhythms of the two bodies together. Erica was in heaven.

She slowly moved her hand to the side of Callie's hip and then to the front, feeling the thick hair that welcomed her. Callie's breathing became much more labored. Erica stopped.

"Do you want this?" She asked. She didn't want to go too far.

"Yes." Callie breathed in her ear.

So Hahn continued. Her fingers slipped Callie's underwear down a bit, with the brunette's help, and Callie helped Erica out of hers. Erica took her place on top of Callie again and continued the grinding motion with her hips, immensely enjoying not only the sensation she was getting, but also the look on her partner's intoxicated-looking face. She took the same hand and ran it up the top of Callie's leg, kissing her lips, cheek and neck. Her hand continued to Callie's waist and then down to her pelvis. Erica positioned her other elbow on the bed and grabbed Callie's bare breast, messaging it and pinching to get little squeals of joy. She lifted her hips just enough to get her hand between the two bodies, palm facing Callie's clit, and felt a chilly breeze where they were lacking friction. Callie quickly remedied that by pulling Erica down even more roughly than before. Hahn felt with her hand all of Callie's tensed muscles and the bottom of her pelvic bone. She wiggled her way down to her clit, which was not hard to find because of Callie's unusually high-pitched gasps. She played there a while, flicking Callie's clit with one finger and pushing it with her body, relishing her control over the strong woman. Erica was getting wet herself just looking at her.

She then moved down and could feel Callie's wetness. As she approach her vagina, Callie let out several more gasps. Erica slid one finger between the woman's lips and found the hole. She used one finger to circle the opening and then slid herself inside the now practically screaming Callie. She stayed there for a moment, feeling the muscles inside Callie contract and relax, contract and relax. She pulled herself out a bit and used her hips to thrust her finger back in, causing Callie to yell and reach above her to grasp the poles of the headboard to stabilize herself. Erica then pulled out and added a second and then a third finger.

"Erica," Callie moaned under her breath. Erica responded by using her thumb to tickle Callie's clit again sending the woman beneath her into a breathless fit. She continued these skilled movements until she heard and felt Callie go rigid and them collapse beneath her. She kissed Callie gently, rolled off, and pulled the covers that had been strewn across the bed over their bodies. She then reached over and held Callie around the waist.

After a few moments, Callie was on top of Erica and, like a pro, stroking her. Callie licked one of her breasts and stroked the other while the two thrust together once more. Callie followed Erica's lead, exploring the blonde's body before entering and giving her the pleasure she had just received. It was better than anything Erica had ever experienced, and the women shared a few more kisses before dosing off.

Erica opened her eyes and let the light from the morning wake her. It took her a moment to remember why she was so happy. But there it was in her arms. Erica propped herself up slowly on her elbow so that she could see Callie's sleeping face. She never wanted to leave this. She never wanted to take her eyes off the beauty she was staring at right then.

Callie let out a small moan and opened her eyes. She met Erica's gaze and grinned. At that, Erica wrapped her arms around the woman's waist and hugger her back tightly toward her, causing Callie to place her hands on Erica's own in a reciprocating gesture. Because neither doctor was on call that morning, the two stayed there for quite some time before Erica decided to get up and make some coffee.

_You never know this could be our last night/So step back, step back into the light/So I can see your silhouette/I'm not done looking yet_


	5. Eye To Eye

Make Me Stay

Chapter 5: Eye to Eye

A/N: Thanks for the reviews! Keep them coming!

A week had past. Erica had refused any more sexual acts with Callie to encourage her to come out, at least to someone. She knew it was a bit mean, using sex as a weapon, but she really needed to know that this relationship could go somewhere beyond the bedroom. As an added perk, Erica was pretty sure that the sex that night had shown Torres exactly how much she was missing. Erica still wanted her all the time, and they still kept the guise of best friends, although that was getting more and more difficult as their flirting became less and less covert and the other doctors became more and more suspicious.

Now, it was almost the end of a very stressful shift for Erica. She'd lost three patients on the table today due to complications that should have been caught earlier. Although she dealt with it everyday, each death still shook her, no matter how calm she tried to present herself. After the last one, on which she had worked with Dr. Shepard, he had invited her out for a drink at Joe's with him and Meredith, who had apparently made up. Although Hahn did not like Dr. Grey, she had accepted, as she really did need to unwind. She was now keeping an eye out for Callie. They had tentatively decided to get together that night, and Erica planned to invite her to Joe's with them. She let out a little chuckle. It would be a bit like a double date, although the other couple would have no idea.

Erica rounded a corner and the sight almost took her breath away. There, down the hallway, was undoubtedly the most beautiful doctor she had seen in her scrubs and sweating from a hard day's work. Callie was taking a break as well, sitting on the floor of the hospital, her back against the wall. Erica took this opportunity to join her and discuss plans for that night. Callie's face lit up when she saw Erica approaching her. She sat next to her and they exchanged greetings.

"How's your day been?" Erica started the conversation.

"Not bad. I got to reset a femur today." Callie glowed, and Erica laughed. "How's yours."

"Not great. Lost 3 different patients today to things that could have been prevented. Stupid interns." Callie shot her a disapproving look that told her to remember all the mistakes she had made as an intern. "Hey, Dr. Shepard invited me to Joe's for drinks with him and Dr. Grey tonight if you'd like to join."

"Wow, extracurricular activities with colleagues? Where did this come from?"

"Well, we both worked on the last patient we lost, so I thought it'd be nice to unwind with him. He really is a good surgeon, you know."

Callie chuckled a bit. "Yeah, I know. I like this new side of you," she teased. "being all sociable and stuff."

"I'm sociable," Erica defended.

"Oh really, Miss 'I Don't Make Friends Easily?'"

"Oh, shut up." She knew Callie was just teasing her and smiled a bit, but she had hit a nerve. She wasn't really interested in being friends with Dr. Shepard, but once in a while she needed to grab a drink with a crowd.

"Well, I'm in if you want me there. Not sure how I feel about Meredith, but Shepard's alright."

"Glad to hear it." Callie's pager went off and both women look at it.

"I'll drive. I'll meet you after your shift." And with that Callie was off to answer her page.

Erica watched her rush through the double doors. She was still staring at the doors when she heard a raspy voice on her other side.

"Pretty, huh?" It was Sloan.

"Go away, Sloan."

"I'm just making an observation."

"Go away, Sloan."

"Well, fine. If you don't want the company…" and with that he walked back the way he had come. She looked briefly back to the doors as if Callie was going to run back in any second. Then Erica looked straight ahead and the chief caught her eye. She thought she saw a flicker of interest in his face, but she didn't want to talk about it, so she stood up and approached him about a surgery she was planning for the next day.

They all met in the lobby after their shifts. Derek and Meredith were holding hand and being all cuddly, which almost made Erica want to strangle them. Why couldn't she do that with her woman? But Callie was soon standing next to her, which made things a little better.

"Let's go," said Derek. And they were off in two cars to unwind at Joe's.

They got a table for four and ordered a round, then another. The four started talking and Erica was surprised how much fun she was having. Soon Derek and Meredith were up and dancing.

"Would you like to dance," Erica asked Callie, holding out her hand. Callie smiled and took her hand as Erica led her onto the non-existent dance floor. Erica hammed it up and twirled Callie a couple of times just to get a laugh out of her. The two "best friends" danced for what seemed like hours, stopping only for the occasional drink and chat.

They said goodbye to Grey and Shepard and soon were driving back to Erica's place. They were both sober at this point, having taken it easy for the past hour or so. As they entered the apartment, Erica led Callie into the bedroom partly to tease her, because she had no intention of giving in until this woman let her hold her hand in public. Apparently that was not going to be a problem, because as soon as Callie's head hit the pillow she was out. Erica laid in her bed for a few minutes watching her woman sleep until she turned out the light, laid down herself, hugged Callie toward her, and was off to dream land.

"BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!" Erica silently cursed the alarm beside her bed. It was time to get up for work. She reached over and turned it off before turning her attentions to the goddess in her arms.

"I didn't know I wore you out that much," Erica laughed as she kissed Callie awake. Callie returned her kisses and laughs with heavy eyes. "Wakey, wakey."

Callie groaned but sat up. Erica knew that she, too, was on call today. Erica quickly showered, got ready for the day, put on some coffee, and popped some bread in the toaster.

"Is toast okay for you?" She called to the woman still in her bedroom getting ready.

"Sure." So she made her woman some as well. Once Callie was dressed and in the kitchen, the two sat down for some quality breakfast. And then they were off to work. Erica realized that she had left her car at the hospital all night, so they both rode together in Callie's. She was driving with her left hand on the steering wheel and her right lying on her thigh. Erica reached over, grabbed her right hand and interlaced their fingers. She saw Callie's face light up, and they drove like that all the way to the hospital. When they got to the surgical floor, Erica checked the board while Callie checked on some paperwork at the nurses' station.

"Did you sleep at Hahn's?" Erica overheard Christina question Callie in her unbelieving way.

"Maybe, why does it matter?"

"Just…you two are getting pretty buddy-buddy. Think I could hang out with you guys sometime?"

"Um…What?" Callie laughed.

"It's just, she still doesn't like me. I'm just trying to-"

"-further your career?" Callie finished, and Erica saw, out of the corner of her eye, Callie walk quickly away. Erica chuckled to herself. That's my girl, she thought.

Later that day, Callie pulled Erica aside in the hall with an urgent look on her face.

"I need to talk to you."

"Okay. Now?"

"Yes. You don't have a surgery scheduled for another hour."

"That's right, but-" before she could finish, Callie dragged her into a nearby supply closet. "What's this all about, Callie?" Erica was starting to get worried.

"I'm not gay."

"What? Is this about what Yang said this morning cause-"

"No, it's about the looks everyone's been giving me. It's like they know we are more than friends. Chief Webber started to ask me something about you this morning and then stopped and ran off." Erica smiled.

"Honey, it's okay. If you are really this opposed to our relationship, we can stop. We can go back to being friends. It's not going to change how I feel about you, but I'll deal. And I'm sure that no one knows about us."

"You don't understand. I'm not gay!" Erica could see the struggle in her eyes. She had to say something to get rid of this pain.

"Callie." Erica reached up to touch the side of her face. "I know you. I know that you are this strong, beautiful, independent woman. And I love that about you. But I also know that you can be too strong sometimes. You say you don't care what other people think, and yet you're standing here telling me that that's all that matters, that we don't matter as much as them, as much as your career. Either you're in this or you're not."

"I am, but what will the Chief do? I know you said he can't legally do anything, but there are ways…"

"The Chief knows." Callie shot her a questioning look. "About me, I mean. I told him I wasn't straight when he offered me the job. I respect him and didn't want to surprise him. And look what he's done with that information. He's shared it with no one, and never will without permission, and he's given me everything that I deserve, even if I do have to fight a little."

"The Chief knows?"

"Yes."

"Oh." Callie was silent for a few moments.

"So, now that I've taken that excuse out from under you, are you going to go through the entire hospital staff asking me 'what if's? Because if you need to do that in order to be with me, I'm not sure…"

"No. I won't." She paused again, and Erica could see she was lost in thought. "It's just…it's scary." Erica thought she sounded like a little kid in the way she spoke the truth so simply.

"I know. And sometimes when you're scared, the best thing is to jump right in the water and learn to swim. And don't worry, I'll be there to teach you, or to hold you up if that's what you need." Erica grasped her hand and looked her straight in the eye. She saw that Callie's eyes were starting to get cloudy, so she placed a soft kiss on her lips and felt the tears flowing down her woman's face. Oh, how she wished she could make it all better. Damn this world, she thought. All we need is love and that's exactly what this world won't let us have.

_Save the profile for the camera give me your eye to eye/You know, I know all your secrets and you know all of mine._


	6. Something Real

Make Me Stay

Make Me Stay

Chapter 6 – Something Real

A/N: Thanks for the reviews. I hate to beg for more but PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE review if you read. It gives me a reason to continue. Thank you! There will be two more chapters after this one.

Erica wiped Callie's tears with her thumb. Callie pulled herself together and walked out of supply closet to continue her shift. Erica waited a bit as to avoid suspicion. The last thing she wanted was for someone to talk to Callie about seeing them walk out of the supply closet together, or worse to talk to someone else. She was sure that some of the staff was already talking, but without proof it was just that: talk.

That day the two doctors had a surgery to work on together, a rare pleasure. The entire time they were on their feet in the OR the only things Erica could think about were the heart she was repairing and the woman she was standing across the table from. They remained professional, something on which Erica prided herself, and the surgery was a success. After the heart was saved and the ribs were repaired, the two were scrubbing out of the OR. With no one else in the room they could talk freely.

"Good work."

"You too." There was silence for a moment, and Erica decided that, unlike the ribs Callie had just repaired, it would be best broken.

"Look, I know it's hard. But I can't be with someone in secret." She grabbed her polka dot scrub cap off her head and held it in her hand. "I've said what I need to say. I can't fight to get you to do something you don't want. I can't fight you. I can wait, if that's what you need from me. I can wait if you are going to be ready, but only if you are going to be ready. I want you to be ready." She stared intently into the dark brown eyes and saw a plea behind them.

"I will be ready. Just give me a little time. It's big."

"It's one thing when it's between us. It's entirely different once other people know. I'll be here. Whenever you're ready." And with that she dropped the gaze, turned, and walked through the door.

She had to talk to somebody. It wasn't often that Erica got this feeling, but she had to talk to somebody. She could go back to the therapist in the hospital, but that would require an appointment and she didn't have time, not to mention the possibility of the crazy Meredith Grey interrupting again. So she walked outside for a break and to call Christie.

"Hi there, stranger," She heard the woman say on the other end.

"Hey."

"What's up? How's life? And why haven't I talked to you in, what, months?"

Erica laughed. "Sorry about that. Life's been really busy. How's San Francisco?"

"Foggy, but what's new, so…what's wrong?"

"Can't I just call my big sister to chat? I mean really why do you always assume something's wrong?"

"Because you're a world-famous, busy heart surgeon who has no time for her big sister…and," she added, "the last time you called out of the blue it was to tell me Dad had died. Is it bad?"

"I just need someone to talk to. I'm having some life stuff."

"Oh, life stuff," her sister replied understandingly. She loved that she could be so vague with Christie and still be understood. "Man or woman?"

"Woman." She had come out to her sister while she was still in undergraduate school, but she looked around quickly to check who was in close proximity and assess what she could and could not say. Luckily most everyone seemed to be inside the hospital. Then she added, "coworker."

She heard a sharp, disapproving breath on the other end of the line.

"Yes, I know. Breaking Rule #4. But Chris, she's amazing."

"Is she out?"

"No," Erica told her, disappointedly.

"Rule #12, Erica." Christine called her on it. "How involved are you?"

"Well, here's the deal…" And she proceeded to relay the highlights of her relationship with Callie. "I really like her, I do, but I just can't date her without being able to tell anyone. I'm not a chatty person, but I don't do secrets either. What do you think?"

"She said she would be ready. So wait. Wait for however long you can. Continue to be her friend. At least you can keep that. You said you told the Chief of Surgery, right?"

"Yes, I did."

"Then at least she knows someone won't be horrified. Remember how hard it was for you? It took you years from the time you told me to finally come out to Dad." Erica suddenly felt nostalgic for her sister. They had grown apart in the last few years, what with her career and her sister having both a career and a family. "And you knew years before you told me. She…what's her name? You didn't tell me her name."

Erica smiled as her mouth formed the word. "Callie. Callie Torres."

"Well, Callie Torres," she stressed the name in a mocking manner, "is just figuring this out. She's just figuring out who she is and what this means about her, Erica. Give her some time, but be there to support her…even if that means being best friends with a straight girl."

"Yeah," She hated the thought. "I'm falling for her, Chris," She admitted. "Every time I tell her no, I immediately want to take it back. She looks so lost and hurt. I never have trouble saying no to anyone else."

Christine laughed. "I know that from personal experience."

"Hey," Erica joked. "Now is not the best time the make fun of me. I'm on the edge, man." She laughed with her big sister. It felt like she was back home. Things were easier there. She suddenly missed her father, more than she had in a year. He would know exactly what to say to support her while letting her do her own thing. With all this nostalgia she'd been feeling, she decided to act on it. "Hey, are you going anywhere this weekend? I have off and thought maybe I'd come down and see how everyone's doing."

"Code for: I want to get away. Sure, I'm here. Kyle's got a basketball game Saturday, but other than that I don't think we have anything going on. You're welcome anytime, you know that."

"I know. Thanks. I think I'll take you up on that. I can spend some time with Kyle, Kelly, and Rachel. Looks like they're the closest thing to kids I'll have."

"Come on, Erica, this conversation again? You never know, hun. How many times do I need to remind you?" Erica just laughed, but she knew her chances of having kids were slim to none, what with her age and her sexuality being less than ideal for reproduction. Still, she did have that hope in the back of her mind, however unreasonable it might be.

"Anyway, thanks for listening. I have to get back to work now."

"You go save some lives, missy."

"I'll call you if I end up coming down. Miss you."

"Miss you too and I'll see you soon."

"ILU, C."

"ILU, E." Erica flipped her phone shut and chuckled a little at their use of the farewells they had made up as children for "I love you." She strolled back through the doors of the hospital quite a bit more relaxed than when she had left just a few minutes before.

She didn't see Callie again until the next evening when they were both in the lounge at the same time. There would be no serious talk here because Dr. Shepard and Dr. Sloan were there as well. Mark gave her eyes when she walked in, and he motioned something about the two of them and Callie. He just would not stop, would he? She had not held a conversation with him in over two weeks and he was still on about threesomes with the woman who made her heart beat.

The women made eye contact, and to Erica's surprise there was no awkward moment. She had been so ready for the awkwardness, but it was not there. Instead, Callie smiled, ate her ­­­­­­salad, and engaged her in conversation.

"Hey you have this weekend off work, right?" She asked, finishing a bite. "I thought we'd go out dancing or something. You know, girl time." Erica searched her face for any hint of double-entendre, but there was none. She didn't know if this was Callie wanting to get back to being friends or if she was just putting on a show for the men.

"Um, I think I'm going to visit my sister this weekend. I haven't seen her in a while and her son has a basketball game…" She really just didn't want to push her luck hanging out with Dr. Torres this weekend. She didn't know how well she would do if Callie still hadn't made up her mind by then.

"Oh, Okay." Callie looked surprised. "The one in San Francisco, right?"

"Only one I've got."

"That sounds nice." And there was the awkward moment Erica had been expecting.

"Dr. Hahn," Shepard broke the silence. "I observed your surgery this afternoon. Good job."

"Well, we removed the tumor and the patient didn't die, so, yes, I'd say it was a good job. Thank you, Dr. Shepard." She took a seat on the couch that was empty and breathed a bit. She'd been on her feet for several hours now and it felt great to sit down. Then, of course, her pager went off, so she was up and out of the lounge to answer to the chief, who wanted a personal run down of the surgery, as the patient had been an important investor for the hospital. Good thing it was a good job, thought Hahn.

_Mostly I don't go for the soft focus and the fantasy/I need something real I can think and say and see_


	7. If I Were Gone

Make Me Stay

Chapter 7 – If I Were Gone

A/N: Thanks so very much for the reviews! I know this chapter is a little shorter than previous chapters. There's an epilogue after this chapter that should be up in the next few days.

It was Friday around noon and the end of Erica's shift. She knew it was the end of Callie's as well, because she had checked back when she would have given anything to spend the weekend with her. Now she just wanted to scrub out of her successful valve replacement surgery, change out of her scrubs, and drive her already packed car to San Francisco for some quality family time. She needed her sister right about now. She didn't want to pretend that she and Callie never happened. She didn't want to pretend that she wasn't being rejected. She wanted to get away from Seattle Grace, away from all these people she couldn't be truthful to.

Maybe she scrubbed her hands a bit too hard in the scrub room, but damn it, she wanted to get the OR off of her. She had a good drive ahead of her and some kick ass music to accompany her. It was a beautiful day for a drive, not raining for once, and as she changed into her jeans all she could think about was blasting her music and busting her vocal chords singing along. Well, that and the fact that Callie was not going to be with her. That made her a little less happy, but she pushed the thought out. As much as the wanted to see Callie, she couldn't deal with that drama anymore. Therefore, she was getting away.

She stepped into the elevator and was greeted by Derek Sheppard, Izzie Stevens, and an intern whose name she didn't know. She wore an unusually chipper expression, she was sure.

"Off to California, right?" Derek tried to make conversation.

"Yes, Dr. Shepard. An entire weekend with no work is a rare gift in this profession."

They rode in silence until the elevator stopped one floor down. Erica sighed when the elevator doors opened to reveal Callie dressed up and obviously off work.

"San Francisco, right?" Callie asked Erica politely as she, too, boarded the elevator. She just nodded. Her mind could not be in the elevator right now. She was too scared that she would do something she would regret, like kiss Callie again or invite her to come along. She could not stand bringing her friend, Callie, with her. Her girlfriend, Callie, however, would be a different story.

She guessed she was fidgeting because she heard Callie's concerned voice. "Erica, what's the matter?" The elevator doors opened.

"I told you," she turned to look Callie in the eye, "I'm waiting."

She looked up, walked out of the elevator, and turned to the right. She waded through the hordes of doctors and nurses who were probably on their lunch breaks. She was sending Dr. Torres, with every single molecule of her being, psychic messages to follow her. But this time she knew she wouldn't. Only a short walk to my car, she thought, and then I have the weekend off. I'm going to drive down to visit Chris, and we can spend some quality time and I'll forget any of this ev--

She felt a strong hand on her right shoulder that spun her to face the beautiful woman it belonged to. Her thoughts were interrupted by a soft pair of lips on her own, and she would know the taste anywhere. Callie kissed her firmly and held the kiss until she returned it. She didn't care that everyone she had just noticed was now gawking at the two women kissing in the middle of a hospital. She didn't care that Chief Webber was probably watching. She didn't care that this could possibly affect her work situation. She only cared that this woman in front of her had just overcome a giant hurdle and had done it for her.

Erica ended the kiss, smiling. She couldn't see anything other than the perfect face in front of her. She couldn't, nor did she want to, see half the hospital staff staring or hear them murmuring to each other. She hesitated a moment to let herself comprehend what had just transpired. Then, she locked eyes once more with Callie.

"What would you say to a weekend in San Francisco?" Then Erica saw the smile that lit her world.

_So I'm going to turn and walk away/You wait till I am far along/Then run and come and catch my arm/And say you'd die if I were gone._


	8. Epilogue, Make Me Stay

Make Me Stay

Chapter 8 – Epilogue/Make Me Stay

A/N: Thanks once more for the reviews and for reading! Here's the last installment. Hope you like it!

Monday morning arrived all too soon. Erica sat in the car for a moment, replaying the past few days. The kiss started it all. They had driven together down to San Francisco and Erica introduced Callie to Christie, her husband, Joe, and their three children, Kyle (15), Kelly (14), and Rachel (10).

Kyle, being a teenage boy, was enthralled with Callie's profession. "Do you really break bones for a living? That's so cool!" He had remarked. Callie proceeded to provide some rather disturbingly gruesome detailed about orthopedics, much to his mother's disapproval, but much to Callie and Kyle's delight.

Kelly was going through her early-teen phase of hating the world but did, after prodding from her parents, acknowledge Callie's existence with a barely audibly grunt, before locking herself in her room again. This just made Callie chuckle; apparently she had done much the same thing for most of her teens. This prompted a conversation that Erica didn't like to remember. Chris brought up Erica's own teenage years, in which she had been angry at the world, with good reason as it had taken her mother from her soon before.

Rachel was more sociable and really clung to Callie. "You're pretty," she had commented. After receiving a thank you and the same compliment back, she ushered Callie into her room to watch her try on the new dresses her mother had gotten her.

"She seems nice," Chris told Erica while Callie was occupied.

"She is."

"I think dad would have approved."

"And mom?"

"Mom didn't approve of anything, you know that."

"She's pretty, too." Joe's observation elicited warning glares from both sisters. "What? I'm just saying. I like your taste, Erica. Gosh." He laughed.

The weekend had gone rather smoothly. Erica didn't expect a bad reaction from her family, but bringing a significant other on a trip was always a trial. Callie seemed to charm everyone there, which came as no surprise to Erica. When it was time for them to leave, Callie received great hugs from each of them, with the exception of Kelly who merely stared blankly at her with a jeering smile.

Now, though, it was time to get back to the real world. Erica prepared herself for a day of dodging questions about her personal life, deflecting rumors, and hopefully a few minutes in an on call room with a certain someone. Not to mention the back-to-back surgeries she had scheduled for this afternoon.

Erica turned to her right to face the woman in the passengers seat.

"You ready for this?"

"I don't really have a choice, but yes," Callie admitted as they both got out of the car. Erica put out her hand and Callie took it. Better to be straightforward, so to speak. If there was one thing Erica had learned from her many experiences with coming out, it was act like It was no big deal, and other people would do the same. They each took a deep breath and walked into the hospital.

Immediately they were greeted with sideways stares and murmurs. Callie looked uneasy, but Erica squeezed her hand to give her a little more courage. They boarded the surprisingly empty elevator, only to be joined by none other than Mark Sloan. Both women rolled their eyes.

"Morning ladies," he smirked in with usual way.

"Don't even start, Sloan." Erica hadn't expected such an immediate reaction from Callie.

"Oh, I'm Sloan now, am I? Just last week I was—"

"And this week you're Sloan." Erica was glad Callie interrupted him. She didn't want to hear what he had been to Callie a week before. Now she was Erica, or sweetie or honey, and he was Sloan. Score one for the Erica!

"Harsh. But I guess she's gotten into you," he suggested, referring to Erica. The elevator arrived on his floor just as he added, "literally."

"Get out," Callie ordered as she threw her empty Styrofoam coffee cup at him. He complied, the doors closed, and they were alone.

"Well, that wasn't too bad, was it?" Erica hoped she was right.

"Yeah, I guess it was okay."

"Don't let it affect your work. Remember, if anyone doesn't let you do your job because of it, don't be afraid to take it to the chief…or page me. I'll kick their ass." Callie laughed at Erica's suggestion. They shared a sweet kiss before the elevator dinged once more and they were off to the locker room for their next big adventure.

Overall the day went surprisingly well. Erica only had a few run-ins with disapproving looks, but no one got in her way. Then again, she was their boss. The chief approached her about it and congratulated her. Although he could be harsh at times, Chief Webber was an understanding man, especially since she wasn't one to let her private life affect her work. Unfortunately, she was stuck in surgeries almost her entire shift and, from the looks of the surgical board, so was Callie. This meant no spur of the moment on-call room adventures. All the better, thought Erica, and she continued looking forward to her shift ending.

By the end Erica was more worn out than she had been in ages. She met Callie in the elevator.

"Still okay?"

"Yeah. I am. I did have to stare down one of the other residents, but overall I'm okay. You?" Erica almost laughed at the image in her head of Callie staring someone down.

Erica grabbed Callie's hand and squeezed it. "Couldn't be better," she said sincerely as they got off the elevator. That night Erica Hahn walked through the doors to the hospital, head held high, keys in one hand and her woman in the other.

_Yes I'm going to turn and walk away/You can watch me go/Or you can make me stay_


End file.
